Halloween

K is dressing as a witch this year.  Sometimes our costumes choose us.

Also, this is how you know that Pop made E's costume for her: it is totally cool -- it's a robot costume that lights up and everything! It's also completely impractical -- it will disintegrate in the rain, and she can't put her arms down all night!

Wish us luck.  Happy Halloween!

He's gaslighting me

I bought DH a shirt. I think it was from that store in Michigan where everything cost $8? It's gone now...

He wore the shirt several times, and then we were out one time and I noticed that there was a hole along a seam on the back.

I told him, and he shrugged non-committally.

Then we were out a few weeks later and I realized he was wearing the shirt again.

Me: WHY are you wearing that shirt?

DH: It's just a little hole, it's no big deal.

This has continued now for, oh, probably a year.

He wears the shirt, we argue about the shirt, I put the shirt on the 'old shirts that are now going to be used as rags' pile, he retrieves it, and it shows up again.

I even threw it in the garbage once, and it magically appeared on his back a week or so later.

The diabolical thing is that he waits until he knows I've forgotten about it, and then he sneaks it out again.

At this point, it's just about the perverse pleasure he gets from wearing this shirt and making me lose my mind.

BUT.

The girls found his secret hiding spot for it the other day. Hanging on a hook behind the furnace.

Next garbage day, that sucker's going out.

Unless I forget.

Which I probably will.

So if you see us out sometime, and you see DH wearing a shirt with a hole in the back, please know that he's just doing it to drive me crazy.

I'm old

I don't know what makes me feel older --

The fact that we went out last night to see my favourite band (next to DH's band, of course) play an 'early show' and it ended at 11:30, which is still really, really, really, really late to me.

Or the fact that said band was selling onesies with the band logo on it at the merch table.

But at least that confirms the fact that I'm not the only one getting old -- the guys in the band are, too.

Also, if I see you today and I just stare blankly at you when you speak to me, it's because my ears are still ringing.  Just let me smile and nod and I'll be on my way....

Who the heck is that?

I looked in the mirror at one point yesterday afternoon and realized that my hair looked like a wig and my eyebrows looked like Eugene Levy's...

Balloons! Streamers! Confetti!

It looks like today will be the day we pass the 10 000 mark for page views!

I wish I had a post that was worthy of such a momentous occasion...

I guess I could do a clip show, like TV writers do when they can't think of anything new...


Remember the time I dyed my hair and it went horribly wrong?

Remember the time I was attacked by a bee and then proceeded to attack a defenseless car in the process?

Remember when I misheard the speech at that wedding and thought he was telling a completely inappropriate story?

Remember when I first realized that E may one day rule the world (as an evil supervillian)?


Thanks for reading my notes and assuring me that I'm not alone in my struggle to be normal.

Here's to the next 10 000!

Feeding these people is not my strong suit

The pork which was supposed to be schnitzel was, like, an inch think, so it was pink in the middle but burned on the outside (and yes I could've smushed the heck out of it to make it thinner, but by the time I thought of that, it was too late). The side dish boiled over, rendering the rest of the stove top unusable. And I couldn't use the oven because I was 'seasoning' a cast iron skillet in there that I'm sure I'll never use anyhow.

Ultimately, only one element of my Sunday dinner actually turned out properly (and that was the corn I threw in the microwave) so I declared a mulligan on the whole thing and went out to pick up KFC at 6 o'clock last night.

Sadly, everyone was really happy with the change of plans, so that tells you something about my cooking skillz right there.

S'true

Me: Where are my brown shoes?

DH points to a pair of shoes right in front of me.

Me: No, not those brown shoes! I'm still breaking those in! I can only wear them for short periods of time until they fit me comfortably!

Pause.

DH: Men and women have very different relationships with their shoes.

Reasons why having a crap memory is good (first in a series)

The other day I discovered not one, but TWO shirts I had no memory of purchasing.
WOO HOO!

That was not awesome

S has a loose front tooth.  It's been bugging her for a couple of days now and by all accounts, it's looking pretty goofy.

We went to the dentist this morning, and the hygienist said the best way to take the tooth out is to get a Kleenex, grab the tooth with it, turn it like a door knob, and it'll come out. She said it's hanging by a thread,  and it will feel much better once it's out.

So, when it was time to brush her teeth tonight, S and I discussed the prospect of me popping the tooth out.

A 15 - 20 minute freak out ensued.

I finally thought, "Enough of this horses--t," held her down (with DH's help) and cranked on the tooth.

Guess what?

That sucker ain't going anywhere.

But at least I caused my child a lot of pain and made her tooth bleed.

I can't believe I finally built up some credibility on the whole 'listen to me because I know what's best' front, and now I have to start from scratch again.

The girl has a point

E and DH have been sick for the last couple of days.  S was sick Sunday night, too, so we were trying to figure out what could've made them all sick.

Now we're pretty sure that E & DH have food poisoning, and S's honking was just a red herring.

Anyhow, as they were convalescing (sp?) today, DH said, "So what do you think, E? Do you think it was the lunch at the Home Depot Subway that made us sick?"

E: "Maybe..."

Then, after a very thoughtful pause...

"Well, what do you expect when you get food from a hardware store?"

SUCCESS!

Person enters the office.

Me: Hi! Are you here to see L?

Her: Yes.

Me: Would you like something to drink while you're waiting?


I did it!
I had a normal exchange with this person, and I didn't call her the wrong name!
Do you know what this means?

I have the ability to learn!

Emotional roller coaster

Is there a better feeling than walking out of the hair salon with a great new 'do?

Is there a more deflating feeling than standing in front of the mirror the next morning, realizing that no matter what you do, your hair is always basically going to end up looking exactly the same as it always has (only slightly shorter)?

Just checking the math

If I didn't order the fries, and was only eating them because "I didn't want the food to go to waste" ( = good global citizenry), the calories will not actually be added to my account, will they?

I think I'm having a stroke

Big wig enters the office.

Me: Hi! Are you Glenn?

Him:  Well...I'm Gord...!

Me: Blather blather blather....


Seriously, when will I learn to just say "Hi!" and leave it at that??

Wait, is that good or bad?

This took place in the car the other day, so I don't know exactly who started the conversation. But each of the girls chimed in at some point.

"O's whole family is crazy, eh?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

"Her, her sister, her mom, her dad--they'll all totally crazy."

Me: (confused) "But ... you like them, right?"

"Oh yeah, they're awesome!"

Me: "So it's good to be crazy?"

"Yeah! They're so much fun!"

Me: (excitedly) "So are Pop and I crazy too? Is our family crazy?

Pause.

"NO. I wish we were crazy. We're just odd."

Well it definitely wasn't undercooked

I missed two days?  Must've been in a turkey coma.

The turkey was delicious and ... VERY well-cooked.  But not like a Christmas Vacation bird, so that's good. But it was ready, like, an hour early!  Ah well.

The highlight for me, though, was when my neighbour's sister and her friend stopped by, because the friend wanted to say hello and say how much she enjoys this blog! And then I got an email from a friend that I haven't seen in years, also saying how much she enjoys the blog! And then there's someone from Russia who keeps reading this blog and that just boggles my mind!

So I am thankful for all of the kind words, and for the fact that the girls continue to say and do funny things.

Not this weekend, mind you. They gave me nothin'.

But speaking of the girls ... when I went to church on Sunday, I walked in and a couple of people were there and they asked how I was and I said "Oh, I'm good....the bird is in the oven!"

And the women looked shocked.

And then they realized that I had said 'bird' and not 'bun'.

I said, "Trust me, if THAT were true, I wouldn't be standing here casually. I'd be collapsed in a corner hyperventilating."

Important reminder

So I was filling up the van -- YES at the Shell at Wellington and Commissioners -- and I kept swatting at my ankles because I thought I was being attacked by a bug.

Eventually realized that it was actually just ankle fringe blowing in the breeze.

Sudden warm temperatures require a return to summer maintenance, ladies!

This has been a public service announcement.

Part marks

Do I get credit for going to bed every night for the last month wearing work out clothes in order to facilitate jumping out of bed in the morning and getting some exercise?

I mean, I haven't actually done the exercise part yet, but the intention has to count for something right?

Partial credit?

God help us all...

...I'm cooking a turkey for Thanksgiving this Sunday.

For the first time ever.

At age 39.

I really kinda thought I might manage to avoid this one my whole life, but oh well.

That's a weird way to say thank you

K stayed home from school today.  She's got the same crud that E had last week.

When DH picked up the girls at the park, K was clearly not feeling well.  As he rounded them up to go, E tried to cheer up K...

"Come on K, let's go home and get you straight to bed. You can put on your pyjamas and get nice and cozy and I'll get your stuffies so you can cuddle with them..."

K stopped, looked at E...and then punched her in the stomach.

Appetizing...

While watching a movie last night, K slung her feet into my lap.
I leaned over and took a big whiff of her feet.
She laughed.

K: "How do they smell?"

Me: "Meh, I've smelled worse."

K leaned over and sniffed her feet.

K: "Well I've smelled the same!  At Playland!"