Smooooth....

I don't know which was smoother:

Announcing someone's arrival in the office yesterday like this:


Me: "L, Sandra is here to see you." (Not actually her name.)

L: "Oh hi, Brenda!" (Her actual name.)


OR the fact that I followed it up with:


Me: "SANDRA?!? Where the heck did that come from? Sorry Brenda, I must be on drugs."


Yeah. Smooth.

On Grade 1

"Grade 1 is awesome. In Kindergarten all you come him with is, like, a painting (rolls her eyes patronizingly). But in Grade 1 you come home with a head full of knowledge!"

She's starting to scare me

On the way home last night, I saw a huge 'FOR SALE' sign in front of 'old Angelo's'.

This is horrifying, because I think we all kept hoping that it would someday re-open, and the pepperette supply would once more run freely...

So I broke this news to DH and our neighbour, and we all expressed sadness and disappointment.

And then suddenly, a quiet little voice said to no one in particular:

"Unacceptable."

First this -- Evil Supervillain blog -- now this?

Mental note:  do NOT cross this child.  Especially if I want her to one day put me in a 'good' home, and not one of those ones from 60 Minutes.

Clap, clap, clap

E came downstairs yesterday morning, coughing dramatically. Not overdoing it mind you, just laying the groundwork properly.

<cough>

<pause>

"Mummy."

<pause>

"I have a <cough> terrible cough."

<consumptive wheezing>

"My sisters...don't think I should go to school today."

Full marks

While reacting to a smell that came out of a family member's butt, I said, "That STINKS!"

E replied, "Yeah, that stinks---both metaphorally and in real life!"

I know she didn't quite nail the pronounciation, but I'm going to give it to her anyway.  SHE'S SIX.

I don't think the two are connected

On the way to church tonight:

E: ____ never goes to church, eh?

(pause)

E: I guess that's why that whole family is so crazy.

(Now to sit back and let all of my friends wonder whose name was in the blank!)

That was graphic

Last night we got to talking about belly buttons. Which then turned into a discussion of babies being on the inside, kicking, hanging out, whatevs.

Then E jumped up and said:

"Yeah, and then it's like on our birthday, we woke up that day and said 'We gotta get out of here!' and then we were like..."

And she proceeded to lie down between two of the beds, grab the rails, and start sliding herself forward along the ground, making what can best be described as a 'KWSK KWSK' noise.

I can't wait until she remembers that it was a C-section and she re-enacts that. I picture some sort of jack-in-the-box pop out, with a jazz hands finish.

Enabler

As K was freaking out about something today, E leaned over to the sitter and said, by way of explanation:

"She has anger management issues."

Then again....

...maybe we were right to panic.

Between working, rushing the kids in and out the door every day, and settling in to watch an hour or two of The Wire every night, there has been little to no hilarity going on.

Maybe I should combine the two and put a wire on the kids so I can hear the hilarious/bizarre things they say during the day!

I can only assume there would be less swearing and corruption in the girls' conversations.

Although K did say she wished I was dead the other day, so maybe there would be some overlap after all.

Stubbed up

As I blew my nose for the 675th time today, I suddenly remembered my mother zipping around the house with a kleenex stuck up her nose.

At the time I thought she was just a) being gross, or b) trying to embarrass me.

But now, as I try to finish the laundry and get dinner going and mediate an argument and look with dismay at the Trainspotting bathroom on our main floor -- I now completely understand and admire her innovation.

Western Fair 2011

Although nothing could top last year's winner -- the woman inadvertently and hilariously riding a mechanical horse in a completely inappropriate way (and DH's response: "She must be European.") -- the highlight of today's trip would have to be either: the look of utter boredom on the girls' faces as they rode a train that was apparently well below their thrill limit, or the look on K's face as she watched a cow being milked and she put two and two together.

In other news: when we returned, I was already weary of the fact that E & S were holding couch cushions in front of themselves and repeatedly ramming into each other and calling it sumo wrestling...but when S suddenly declared, "Now it's time for NAKED SUMO WRESTLING!" I had to intervene.

That's some memory she's got there

As I ate my breakfast the other morning, E approached...

E: "What are you eating?"

Me: "Oatmeal."

E: "It looks disgusting."

Me: "You used to like it when you were a baby. You ate it all the time!"

E: "Yeah, well, that's just because I was trying to get out of the bottle routine. Those things were gross."

And yes, she did say 'bottle routine' in italics.

Update on boys vs girls

Whereas before boys were seen as more threatening (they do graffiti and go to jail), E seems to have softened her stance, but still has little regard for them:

E: Girls are awesome because they are sweet and nice and look out for each other, and boys are all "Uhhhh...Uhhhh.....check out my skateboard....wanna come over and play video games?"

On the subject of pierogies

Me: Weren't those good the other night?

E: Oh yeah, they were good!

S: When did we have them?

E: Dinner on the first day of school.

S: Really?

K: Oh yeah! Because I remember, there was a really terrible smell in the kitchen...

Have you ever been this tired?

I've been sitting here for an hour, trying to think of something to write...staring vacantly at the TV...watching that horrible show where they do bad re-enactments of repos gone wrong, but try to present it as a reality show, and further torture us by making us watch that woman with the grotesque eyebrows. And I'm hating the show. Hating every minute of it. But not enough to actually get up and grab the remote from DH's hand (he's sleeping) and change the channel.

That's how tired I am.

I'm so tired, the other day when I was getting ready for work, I turned to DH, about to say "I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life!" and then I remembered that I have triplets. 

I'm so tired that I actually forgot that I was once this tired for months on end.

This whole 'getting up and putting on pants everyday' thing is really quite an adjustment.

Day One

We were busily practicing tying shoes yesterday when E announced that none of the shoes fit her anyhow. That's right, none of them. So we had new indoor shoes for her, but no outdoor shoes. And nothing was open yesterday.

So we had to send her to school today wearing socks with sandals (her idea). I told her to tell everyone she's European.

We zipped out to Wal-Mart tonight and got her some proper-fitting shoes for tomorrow, and I was heartened to see hundreds of other parents there, equally panicked about the details they had overlooked.

Also, I decided to impress my boss today by locking myself out of my laptop. I tried to act like I just wanted to get to know the IT support person, but I don't think she bought it...

Why would anyone fall for that?

Conversation that occurred in the back of the loser cruiser this afternoon:

S: Smell my feet!

K: I don't want to smell your feet!

S: No, go ahead, smell my feet! They smell like flowers!

K: I don't want to smell your feet!

S: No, go ahead, they smell like [their friend O]!

K: I don't want to smell your feet!

E: My feet stink.

S: My feet smell like rye bread!

K: That is so gnarly.

And then on the way home there was another hilarious conversation, based on the fact that E was somewhat confused and thought a purple nurple involved twisting someone's knuckle...

Just Dance 2 makes me face my own mortality

The girls are currently obsessed with Just Dance 2, and K in particular is especially focussed on Walk Like An Egyptian.

So I blew their minds today by explaining that the song came out when I was a teenager.

K: WHAT? So are The Bangles even still ALIVE?

E: K! I'm sure they're still alive! They're just really old and probably living in a retirement home.

I told them that The Bangles actually have a new album coming out, but I think I sounded a little defensive when I said it.