Lost in translation

We were watching Despicable Me the other night, and one of the characters referred to a heinous crime.

The girls giggled.

Then one of them said, "Butt." And they giggled some more.

It took me a moment, but then I realized:

"No, girls, he said HEINOUS crime. Not ANUS crime."

New grey hairs

Overheard by another mom in the schoolyard yesterday:

Friend: Someone said a bad word!

S: What one?

E: I don't know, maybe the C word!

So the mom emailed to ask "what's the C word?"

I assured her that they have given me this heart attack before. They once announced that someone at school said the C word, and I nearly dropped my fork. When I casually asked what the C word is, they spelled out 'C-R-A-P.'

_____________________


One of the girls mentioned a boy in their class last night.

I looked at her and smiled, and there was a meaningful pause. Then she stated matter-of-factly:

"I think he's into me. I think he's interested."

When in doubt, don't

A colleague came up to my desk yesterday.

"So, how was your --"

And when I turned around to greet her, she gasped and stopped in mid-sentence.

"Oh my God, you look --"

And there was a moment when I thought "that stuff from Batty's Bath is so fantastic, people are actually going to notice results after only two days! This is awesome!"

" -- awful! You look so tired! Are you feeling okay?"

Until that point, I had, in fact, felt wonderful.

So let's just add "You look tired" and "Are you feeling okay" to the list (along with the number one entry-- "Are you pregnant?") to the list of Things You Should Never Say To A Woman.

No, but, wait...

I went to the market to get a smoothie yesterday. (I'm on a smoothie kick. I blame random Chatelaine articles.)

The girl told me the total.

"That comes to four twenty."

Me, trying to show the young, dreadlocked granola-esque server that I'm hip to what the kids are up to these days:

"Oh, that's fitting."

"Yeah, all day today...."

Me, apologizing for pointing out the obvious 4-20 reference:

"Ha, ha. Sorry."

She finished the smoothie (which was delicious, by the way--if you're looking for a good smoothie, the fro-yo place at the market is the way to go), and handed it to me:

"There you go, and you have yourself a good 4-20."

Me, suddenly feeling awkward because now my entire relationship with the smoothie girl is based on a lie:

"Um ... Thanks!"

Was it a full moon?

Last night was an embarrassment of riches in terms of the girls saying hilarious things. Either that, or we were all a little punchy and we found everything hilarious.  Either way, we laughed all night.

Overheard while listening to E play a game with some stuffed animals--this was the superhero confronting the evil genius:
"I'm gonna pop you like a loose tooth that's ready to come out."


During dinner, K burped.
Me: "What do you say?"
K: (pause) "Yeah...that just happened."


Random declaration made by S while getting ready for bed:
"My butt takes place in North America."


And finally, a philosophical thought from K:
"I think heaven looks like the '80's."

And now all I can think of is Jesus with big heavy metal hair...

I am being tested

Every morning I give countdowns to the time we need to be heading out the door.

Every morning, two girls are suited up by the door, and one is still farting around.

This morning I looked in to check on her progress, and saw that she was packing her lunch bag while wearing mittens. She then proceeded to do up the lunch bag by zipping it closed with her teeth.

Breathe in pink. Breathe out blue. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10.

This child has been sent to teach me patience.

I am a terrible student.

Nostalgic for 6 months ago?

Overheard conversation:

"Hey, instead of Little Big Planet 2, let's play Little Big Planet 1!"

"Okay!"

(game begins)

all:  "Awwwwww!"

"I remember this music!"

"Oh, remember this part?"

"This brings back such wonderful memories!"

Although, I know they come by their tendencies honestly...I mean, look at the song selections I've chosen to share with you so far.

And to prove my point, here's the song that's been going through my head the last few days. Is it wrong that this song brings me joy? Probably. But just let me know people--I'm not alone, am I? (Mell B. I know you're with me on this one....)

Great Moments In Parenting

S is leaving the house this morning with this song stuck in her head:

Parenting is glamourous, pt 2

Well, we all survived 4 weeks of DH being out of town.

But this past week, I had pretty much given up on proper meal preparations (not that I'm ever too committed to them anyway), so Wednesday night was 'Anything Night.'

My dinner that evening? The crusts from everyone's sandwiches.

Philosophizing

I was trying to have a serious moment with the girls last night, so I carefully launched into the wisdom bomb I was about to drop...

"Wait, girls, seriously, I need you to listen to this. Now, sometimes in life..."

I paused for a breath and E pounced on it with her impeccable timing:

"Wait, do you mean, like, the game?"

Ten minutes of laughing.

"Yes E, I need to tell you that sometimes in life, you'll be driving around and your peg-shaped children will fall out of your car. That's the lesson I wanted to share."

And I'm okay with that

Embarrassing but true (which could also be the name of this blog)--I've been Zumba-ing and Dance Party-ing all this time because I secretly had this fantasy that on my 40th birthday I would suddenly emerge looking fantastic. Like some sort of Biggest Loser-Spring-Out-Through-A-Picture-Of-Me-In-Pyjama-Pants kind of moment--even though I haven't been sequestered, and people would've seen me immediately before I sprang out, but whatever...

But yesterday, when I ate not one, not two, but THREE doughnuts...I had to admit to myself that I may not be as committed to that goal as I thought.

I'm torn

We went to church on Good Friday.

It's a very long and solemn service.

About 10 minutes in, K gave me the universal signs for "I'm hungry" and "I'm thirsty."

As the service dragged on, she started getting more and more restless.

When we got to the part when the cantor sang who we were supposed to pray for, and it just...kept...going...K started clawing at her face and lying down on the pew, and basically acting like every minute spent there was slowly killing her.

And I was torn, because I knew I should discipline the behaviour--but really, we were all thinking the same thing.

That's quite a back story

E was playing 'vet' the other day, and someone brought her a patient and she said, "Oh good, money, money, money!"

And S said, "You don't need money, you're a vet!"

E replied, "Well, I'm still living in my parents' basement, so I need to get enough money to buy my own house."

When did socio-economic concerns enter into schoolyard games?

Lovely

Nice--when did I turn into that old woman who burps all the time?

Also, I had a wicked stomach ache last night. In my twenties, I would've just assumed I ate something that didn't agree with me. Now that I'm older, I was all "OH MY GOD, I'M DYING."

Getting older is not pretty.