Top 3 reasons why everyone should listen to Songza

(Specifically, the "Your Own 80's Training Montage" station on Songza.)

1. If you are in the final stretch of making a traditional Sunday dinner, Gonna Fly Now from Rocky will come on, and your husband will suddenly be driven to mash those potatoes to perfection and you will slice the roast beef like a boss, and the completion of the meal will be elevated--in much the same way that your search for a parking space was by that gentleman's classical music--to an epic challenge that you conquer together.
2. When you sit down to eat that spectacular meal, Axel F will then come on, and your entire family will spontaneously start eating like robots.
3. You will be able to face any challenge in life, overcome any obstacle, and triumph over adversity, when this song comes on. (Especially if Billy Zabka and his band of karate bullies are chasing you, and you're dressed as a shower for Halloween.)

Don't get uppity

I was feeling pretty good today.

Got quite a few things accomplished, the house didn't look half-bad, heck, we even managed to get to church this morning.

Dinner was really quite tasty, no catastrophes involved at all (I know!!), and everyone was hunkered down to watch some AFV before bed. (I guess it's not really a guilty pleasure if I keep telling people that I watch it, is it?)

Then I decided to take off my shirt before I started to colour my hair. (Those are reasons one and two for starting to feel less great about yourself, combined.)

And then I looked down and discovered an unidentified glob of food in my cleavage.

No one knows what it was, or how long it was there (to be said in the Spinal Tap voice from the spoken word portion of Stonehenge, please).

I guessed peanut butter. DH guessed caramel.

Answer: cookie dough - undoubtedly from when I was feverishly licking the beater before any children could come up and ask to do the same.

Which ultimately made me think to myself:

New glasses

So, I got new glasses. 

Oh, and the optometrist gently suggested that the next time I get a new prescription, we will probably be looking into bifocals. He really was very sweet about it. Which is the only thing that prevented me from slapping him senseless.

So, the glasses. 

DH said, "They look a little hipster-esque!"

 I laughed and went on with my life.

But then a few days later, he said:

"So! Do you like your new glasses?"

Which, for those of you who don't speak husband, means: 

"I don't like your glasses."

But I assured him that I do, and continued to go on with my life. 

But now I think he might be right about them being hipster-esque.

I was walking to the bank the other day, when a full-on hipster exited the building. Plaid shirt, flat hat, horn-rimmed glasses which may or may not have contained prescriptive lenses, bow tie. I even thought, "What kind of bow-tie worthy event is this hipster attending at 4 o'clock on a Sunday?"

But here's the thing: the hipster looked at me, then looked away....then looked again. As if he were momentarily confused. Like the glasses were a code that we had silently exchanged, but the mom jeans, running shoes and fleece hoodie were sending a completely different message. Were I twenty years younger, perhaps I could've been wearing them ironically. But no, I really was a mom going for a walk in comfy shoes on a chilly day.

So I apologize to anyone who has been similarly confused by my new eyewear. Perhaps I will start wearing them on a chain or perched on the end of my nose in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

Weird things that have happened to me in the car (lately)

1) Tried to find a parking spot in the UH parking building, that seems to spiral upwards FOREVER. Oh, and if you're just a visitor, don't even think about slowing down and looking for a spot on the first 4(00) levels, because those are all reserved.

So, I was corkscrewing my way up to heaven (is that a country music song title? And if it isn't yet, shouldn't it be?), and as soon as I got to level 5(00) or whatever it is where mere mortals can find a spot, I suddenly heard classical music. Really loud classical music. So loud that I stuck my head out the window to determine where the music was coming from, and determined that it must be getting piped in through some speakers. As if the administration at UH wanted to make up for the fact that we might be light-headed and sleep-deprived by the time we got to our parking area.

Higher and higher I climbed, listening to the music, when I realized that the music was actually coming from the car in front of me. I can't overemphasize how LOUD this music was. So the fact that one man was listening to the music at that volume in his car was a little disconcerting. But the thing is, it wasn't all "stringed instruments and angels welcoming us to heaven" classical music, it was Wagnerian, serious sounding music.

Which was totally fitting, and really pretty awesome because it made this search for a parking spot feel even more like an epic quest worthy of such a soundtrack.

When I finally found a spot, I was going to go over and tell the driver that, but he was still in his (parked) car, still with the music at that volume, so instead I chose to just back away slowly.

Because it was a cool soundtrack, but it was still weird.


2) Attacked by a bee.


3) Drove to the International Plowing Match at 7:00 am in pea soup fog.

I could've ended that sentence at "Drove to the International Plowing Match at 7:00 am" and it still would've been a weird thing that happened to me (or that I did to myself) lately.

BUT, I was driving on country roads, in the dark, in pea soup fog, not knowing where I was going, because I forgot to bring a map, and then a red light came on in the dashboard that said "SBS."

I had a vague memory that this particular light had something to do with the air bags. I pondered this for a moment, and then I thought, "Meh."

Not ten minutes later, as I was listening to the Stax 'n' Loop show on 102.3 BOB FM (yes that was a shameless plug, but also, it was truly the only good part about my drive that day) there was a news item that Honda Odysseys from 2003 - 2004 were being recalled because of an air bag defect. Did I mention that I was driving a Honda Odyssey? Guess what year it was made?

Nothing like a bout of sheer terror to jump start your day!

Weird things they have said (lately)

Me: <singing a song from Jesus Christ Superstar>

K: Remember when we watched that movie together?

Me: Yes. I remember you hated it. Well, you hated the woman playing Mary Magdalene.

K: Yeah. She was weird. <pause> <lowered voice> I think she was hitting on Jesus!

____________________________________

DH: Why is that plate on the floor? <no answer> How did that get there? <no answer> Why is that plate there? <no answer> How did that happen???

Child: You want to know how that happened? You want to know how that happened? I'll SHOW you how that happened...

<swiftly and decisively puts pyjama pants on her head>

<end of conversation>

____________________________________

Child playing with her 'stuffies' and talking to them (quietly, to herself) while we get everyone ready for bed.

<bear flies through the air>

Look, it's flying bear! 

<bear does a little dance>

Look, it's dancing bear!

<holds bear's arms out, and his head falls forward and to one side>

<pause>

Look, it's Jesus bear!

Never assume

K lost a tooth yesterday.

This morning when I woke her up, I thought this would be a good way to get her out of bed in a hurry:

"K, go see if the Tooth Fairy came! I wonder what she left for you!"

Her response:

"Mummy, my tooth fairy is a boy, that's offensive. His name is Eddie."

Important pop culture instruction

One project we undertook for the summer was "watch all of the Harry Potter movies."

We're down to the Deathly Hallows, and we watched part 1 on Saturday night.

The girls are into it, which I love. Occasionally I have to give them a heads up before things get really intense...and I've thoroughly prepared them for the fact that things get really crappy before they eventually get better. In the movie the other night, when they were getting really stressed out about Bellatrix, I was glad that I was able to soothe their minds by telling them that she gets hers, from Mrs. Weasley no less, and that, if memory serves me correctly, Mrs. W calls her the 'b word.' But I should point out that I was the only one who was misty-eyed when Dobby took one for the team! Am I raising a bunch of automatons??

Anyhow, after the movie finished, and for reasons I can't fully explain, we started listening to music, and somehow ended up playing Bohemian Rhapsody.

And again, for reasons that completely escape me, but which seemed quite reasonable at the time, DH ended up doing an epic, emotionally raw, sometimes acrobatic, occasionally awe-inspiring interpretive performance (I was going to say dance, but that would be a bit much) to the song.

Personally, I was dying I was laughing so hard.

The girls on the other hand were less than impressed.

We quietly sang "any way the wind blooooooooooows.....", the gong sounded, and there was silence.

And then K announced:

"I may vomit."