Attention fathers!

Just in case you think your kids aren't listening to you...

Child A runs into the bathroom, and says to Child B:

"Can you please hurry up, I really need to lay down a deuce."

Gross Moments In Parenting...number 602

Picking up a pair of undies that are lying in a neutral zone (i.e. a laundry basket full of clean clothes, or on the floor midway between the dresser and the hamper) and giving them a sniff test, and being really, really disappointed with the result.

This has been another Gross Moment In Parenting.

My god, the snoring....

Snoring is kind of a big thing in our house these days.

DH does. I do it. E does it.

So it's always a race to try to be the first one asleep, because then you've got the best shot at not being the one who lies awake all night plotting ways to smother the snorer.

So.

It's 3 in the morning and E is in our bed.

And then K wakes up and tries to climb in, and I have to say 'no, your sister is already there, I'll come into your room.'

So I'm lying on a single bed with K, who insists on me sleeping in her bed, but who won't actually move over to make room for me.

At which point the snoring starts in the next room.

So I go stalking back into our room, ready to shove gently roll DH over to make the snoring stop...but, as abruptly as it started, it stops again.

I stand there for a full minute or two, barely breathing, waiting for his next inevitable snore...

But there isn't one, so I go back and climb into E's empty bed for a fairly uncomfortable night's sleep.

The next day, in the middle of a random conversation, DH suddenly asks me, a little nervously:

"Were you.....LOOMING over me in the middle of the night?"


Do you know what this means?

Even when he is sleeping, I can strike fear into his heart!

EX-cellent....

Sooooooo...(y).

Dear Soy Milk,

It's day two of our new relationship, and I just don't think things are going to work out.

Sure, you don't give me gastro-intestinal distress, and you don't cause me to break out....but frankly those outcomes are almost preferable to the sensation of drinking something so....viscous.

Also (and I know this is totally superficial) but your colour is totally off-putting.

In short, it's not me--it's you.

Sincerely,

Mrs. C

Well that's comforting

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant.

On the way to the hospital, I was frantically trying to finish a big glass of wine before we pulled up to the front door.

Apparently even when I'm sleeping I make terrible parenting decisions.

Christmas Family Photo Fiasco 2011

While preparing to leave for the photo session, one of the girls had such a meltdown about her shoes being too loose that I actually threatened to have the picture taken with just two children in it. 

"And when people ask why there are only two girls in the picture, I will tell them you were acting like an idiot so you couldn't be in it."

Seriously, where are the book offers for me to publish these pearls of parenting wisdom? This stuff is gold.

Also, I really need to investigate where she gets this tendency to over-react to things...

I've become THAT person

You know, the one who puts on running shoes with her work clothes to run errands at lunch.

Could I look more dorkalogical?

I submit that I could not.