Whose legs are those?

I went clothes shopping yesterday - like, to an actual clothing store, not just picking something up at the grocery store/Costco - and I had the unfortunate experience of seeing my legs in the mirror under what has to be THE WORST change-room lighting I have ever seen.

I literally thought, "What the hell? Whose legs are those?"

I mean, I can accept the fact that they're whale belly white.

Perhaps even the fact that they have come to look more like prosciutto more and more every year.

But when I tried to make myself feel better by flexing my quads, and it made my knees look like they had a Herman Munster-esque furrowed brow...I became convinced that these were not actually my legs.

(Also, this is a pretty good approximation of the face I made.)

So, nice try, Smart Set! I'm onto you and your trick mirrors and horrifying lighting! (I won't even get into the fact that my upper arms looked like the surface of the moon in there.)