She's too smart for our own good

DH at dinner last night, describing someone's behaviour:

DH: She's being a b-a-d-a-s-s.

K's eyes got wide.

Me (trying to cover):  BuhDASS? What does that word mean?

K: I think there's a space in there, mommy.

So, gone are the lazy, hazy days of being able to spell out things in front of the kids. Nice that we tested it with a swear word, eh?

I bought it so you don't have to

Ladies, curiousity and the fact that I'm highly suggestible finally got the better of me, and I bought an Ahhh Bra.

I can't decide if it should be renamed the "Ahhhhh....no. Bra", or the "AHHHHH! Bra" because your boobs look so horrible when you put it on.

Awesome thing about DH, #673

He waits a safe and appropriate amount of time before laughing at me.

Like yesterday, for instance.

After I had spent the better part of the morning remaining calm and reasoning with a child who refused to calm down or listen to reason...said child then started having a meltdown because 'her hair was going up.'

At this point I let a bellow out of me that could probably be heard down the street, and slammed my hand down on the kitchen counter for emphasis.

And then I thought I broke my thumb.

But DH, bless his heart, asked me if I could bend my thumb (I could) and then didn't comment on it again...until 8 or 9 hours later, when he thoroughly and rightfully mocked me for my behaviour.

"Could you imagine if you actually broke your thumb? Having to EXPLAIN how you broke it? That would've been hiLARious!"

Indeed.

LOOK WHAT WE FOUND!

Once upon a time, there was a busy theatre in a busy mall downtown, called the Cineplex Odeon Galleria Cinema. And at that theatre, they put something called "butter" on their popcorn, as opposed to the "golden topping" they put on the popcorn at Famous Players (ptooey).

And the people who worked at that busy theatre had to 'upsell' to get people to put extra butter on their popcorn. 

"Would you like extra butter on that? It's butter in the middle and on top, for only an extra 25 cents!"

(We won't discuss the time that we were selling Goobers and Raisinettes and we had to offer those every time. "Would you like some Goobers with that, sir?" People thought I was offering to hork in their popcorn...)

And if you were successful in convincing someone to buy extra butter, you put that 25 cents (for small, 50 for medium, 75 for large) under your till, to keep track of how much extra butter you were selling.

And there was a young lady who worked there for many summers. And she enjoyed the job, and eating her body weight in popcorn, and seeing free movies...but she had a dream.

And that dream was to sell the most extra butter and to one day be the Butter Queen.

(A title she came up with, which strangely did not catch on with the regular winners of the title.)

And one day that dream came true.

And to commemorate it, her wacky mother bought her a present:

And 20 years later, the young lady's husband found the shirt in a box full of awesome, and there was much rejoicing.

The end  .....?


Yeah, no, that is actually the end.

Man, the '80's were cruel

Was going through my high school yearbooks last night...

I'd just like to issue a public apology/thank you to anyone who chose to be seen in public with me during those years. My hair and fashion choices, '80's notwithstanding, were questionable at best.

In fact, one could argue that I continue to fight the good fight to this day.

There should be a telethon for people like me.

Lent

Here's a partial list of the girls' suggestions for what I could give up for Lent:

Swearing
Nagging
Being on the computer all the time..."so you can spend more time with your family."

So first, I wanted to pass that on to advise you that you are all part of the problem. What would Lent be without sharing some of that Catholic guilt around?

And second, I'm starting to suspect that I'm not really a ray of sunshine to live with...

Even more awesomer

I thought that starting my day by dancing to Rah Rah Rasputin was the pinnacle.

And then there was the Love Boat awesomeness of Boogie Wonderland.

But this morning I started the day by doing Just Dance: ABBA.

I'll pause here to let the enormity of that sentence sink in.


Just. Dance. ABBA.


Not only does one of the dancers wear a white dress that looks exactly like one of the dresses from the cover of Super Trouper....but one of the dances actually involves getting down on your knees and doing a swoopy on-the-floor thing that is a bona fide Darcelle-the-lead-Solid Gold-dancer move!

I just....there are no words....